I feel useless.

To the point - without a doubt - can't deny it.

It's now been 6 full months since the epic collapse of InkStop. In the courts, the lawyers are debating just how much settlement the employees (if any) will get. And in the meantime, we've lost a house, lost a car, and now, I've lost all respect for myself.

Now, before anyone starts sounding horns, calling doctors, or basically jumping through hoops, don't be alarmed. I'm not about to do anything rash or impulsive. I'm just saying, I've lost what little respect I had for myself (if any). I've been pounding through job searches, car searches, money searches and any other possible searches to find ways to make life bearable in this temporary lifestyle Shadsie and I find ourselves in. It's been depressing. And today, it got further depressing, at least on my part.

Shadsie has this little job - mucking out horse stables. After her little bout of gravity plummitus earlier, and once she got back on her feet, I would join her and volunteer my free time to help her clean the stables by cleaning and filling the water buckets and sweeping up while she mucked.

Today, the barn boss reminded me 5 times in 6 minutes that she doesn't mind me helping her, but I do not work there.

The first time, that was okay, I know I do not work there. The second time started getting a bit snitty. The third was a bit more pressing. The forth and fifth times were just slamming it home and driving the nails into that coffin. (Which is odd, as her own boss seems to have no problems with me being there.)

UNWELCOMED. Plain and simple.

Now, I don't know about you, the reader, but for me, being told that I can't even volunteer work is pretty harsh for someone who is desperately seeking viable PAYING work.

Useless useless...

Ah well...

Onwards & Upwards...

A-N

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